Stop “Shoulding” All Over Yourself

stop shoulding all over yourself

I should do this, I should do that, I should workout, I should eat healthier. You might be right! All those things are pretty legit. But “shoulding” yourself really never gets it done, now does it?


Shouldn’t be eating this but I’m hungry? But, why not? Who says you shouldn’t be eating that? I overheard someone saying that they should not be eating a bagel. In my mind, I’m like why not?


What’s wrong with eating a bagel? Apparently it’s not good for you or “clean”! It’s not the first time I’ve heard someone say this to me. When I tell people, I eat bagels, they’re like “aren’t those bad for you”? When I ask – who says? Crickets!


We put some many rules and restrictions around food. Plus, we are always “shoulding” ourselves, which we should stop. There’s that word again, lol – should! We need to stop “Shoulding”; I believe it’s a must.


I know, plenty of times I’ve said I shouldn’t eat this or I shouldn’t eat that. So I feels ya, because I’ve been there before. The shouldn’t eat this mindset is centered on diet culture. For example, bread is one of the many food items I would avoid and say I shouldn’t have, as well as tell my clients during our initial consultations. First, who said you shouldn’t have bread?


I know who – the powers that be! Diet guru’s and bro scientist scaring people away from bread. I myself, back in the day, would tell clients to remove bread from their diets. When I first started out the in the physique competition world, these were the teachings I was exposed to. #SMDH I do know better now.


I thought that was the way to a badass physique, plus everyone was doing it. I have since learned and researched things for myself. No one, no longer, is telling me that I should stop eating bread or I shouldn’t drink dairy, etc..


Bread is just one of the many food items that is demonized, along with fruit, all sugar, and everything white. Well, that’s a blog for another time!


Women specifically “Should” all over our selves all the time.


So back to the bagel! Bagels, crème cheese, and coffee was available during my workshop. So, the options were slim. All we can do, is do our best with what’s available. I don’t know the person’s situation, in which they felt, they shouldn’t eat the bagel. Yes, a bagel isn’t all that nutritionally dense, but if it’s the only thing available and you’re hungry, what are supposed to do? Starve? I think not. The alternative would have been, your stomach grinding and talking to you all morning, right? Then only to binge at lunch.


So I say eat the damn bagel! And don’t feel bad about it or guilty. It’s just food and it doesn’t hold any moral value. Don’t want the whole thing, eat half and slap some crème cheese on it. Slash some calories by eating half of the bagel –  the crème cheese has bit of protein and fat, and it will help to slow down the absorption of the bagel. Boom! Win win!

As for “shoulding”, should, or should not. Stop it!




“Shoulding” ourselves and others holds negative connotations. It immediately puts you in the mind frame of “I don’t really want to, right”? What we really should (lol) do is mind our own business and stop “shoulding” others.


When we reframe the “should” to a more a positive light, we can accomplish much more than we are “shoulding”. Saying “I want to” or “I choose to” will give you that boost of actually wanting to do something, instead of begrudging it.


So, the next time you say you “I should lose weight” or “I should eat more veggies”, think about whether you actually want those things and start there.

Are you “shoulding” all over yourself? How do you deal or reframe things in positive way? I’d love to here your insights, head over to my Facebook page and let me know!

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